Love. Love? Love!
The Beatles’ song “All You Need Is Love” has been running through my head recently. Since that began, I’ve noticed the song everywhere. It’s funny how that happens – like when you have a new car, you suddenly see that same model all the time. And no wonder this tune is popular again. After all, February is the month of love because it includes Valentine’s Day, right? Yes, but we need not limit love to romantic relationships, or only to February.
There are words in the Greek language for love that suggest we can love romantically one way, and we can love friends and family another way. What I know is we can also love ourselves. This is not to say, “Be self-centered.” What it does say is “Honor the self.” All my life I’ve heard the Biblical quote, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” As a result I did try to live my life by loving my neighbor. I have to admit it took years to understand the “as thyself” portion of that saying. I have learned it is actually only after we learn to love ourselves that we can truly love another.
If you are missing romance right now, this can be an opportunity to treat yourself as you might like a significant other to treat you. If you are in relationship, you can still love yourself in ways that may not be being met in the relationship. Do you want to see a movie or a play? Go for a walk in a park or visit a museum? Window-shop or take a new class? This might be just the right time for you to treat you to a special date. During the date, relish the awareness that you are caring for yourself.
You might think “I could never do something like that alone.” If that’s true, consider Julia Cameron’s concept of an “artist date” in her book “The Artist’s Way.” This exercise, which she suggests we take weekly, is intentionally done alone. Think for a moment about the difference between the words “alone” and “lonely.” Feeling lonely is feeling all by oneself. To be alone is a chance to be with oneself.
Maybe fear holds you back. If so, examine the fear reaction. I once heard an instructor say, “When you take away the fear, what’s left is the love.” What is something you fear right now? One way to work through fear include learning as much as you can – you can read, talk with people you trust, or write in a journal to let your pen and inner wisdom decipher the fear. In Cameron’s book, she suggests a daily commitment to write “morning pages.” Sometimes just saying or writing down the thoughts that run through our minds can help us move beyond fear.
I will end with the quote, “Live well, laugh often, love much.” Whether you are in a romantic relationship or not today, my wish for you this month is that you love much.
Claire
Claire Adalyn Wright is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works with individuals, couples, and families to improve relationships and increase satisfaction with life. She also offers a weekly Women’s Group and SoulCollage® Group Trainings. Her office is on Bascom Avenue near Hamilton Avenue in San Jose. You can contact her at 408-998-7098.
