Note to Self: Take Nothing Personally
by Claire Adalyn Wright
Sometimes other people offer us positive sentiments and we may feel complimented, validated, or even proud. It can be flattering to been seen by another in a favorable light. This might entice us to hold our head higher or walk with a lighter step. A stranger approached me after a recent choir performance to tell me how much he enjoyed the choir and especially my singing. How sweet that was! I wore a smile and continued to feel pleased for some time after receiving his praise.
Sometimes other people’s opinions are important to consider. We can look at the events, beliefs or perceptions of our lives from a new perspective through hearing someone’s views that differ from our own. Initially, it may not be something we are comfortable with, yet over time we can learn to be more accepting of diverse ideas. I have friends and colleagues whose remarks can often open my eyes to new ways of seeing life. I have come to value their opinions all the more.
However, sometimes other people’s comments may undermine us. People might say things to us in a disapproving tone or with a derogatory intent. We may feel embarrassed, ashamed, or assume a lowered sense of self-esteem as a result. If you notice yourself feeling bad after hearing negative things other people say to or about you, I encourage you to remind yourself to take nothing personally. This is an easy, three-word mantra to call upon if you are in a period of self-doubt. In his book “The Four Agreements,” don Miguel Ruiz identifies “don’t take anything personally” as one of the four keys to personal freedom. Ruiz advises us to consider: What others say is not about us, it’s about them.
While it’s fine to receive compliments or have our world broadened by others’ differing views, if you have an assumed contract with another person that he or she is smarter or wiser than you, or that he or she can bully you, reexamine the wisdom of that pact. If another’s statement or behavior touches an old wound in your psyche with the result that you are holding onto negativity, and you find it affects your enjoyment of life on an ongoing basis, it may be time to seek professional help.
If the notion to take nothing personally does not resonate with you, ask yourself if there is any other self-limiting pattern going on in your life. In either case, take some time to learn about what you’re feeling. Write about it, or talk about it with someone you trust. Continue to examine it and come up with a more positive alternative belief. Then condense your ideas down to your own self-empowering mantra. We can learn to overcome what inhibits or holds us back! That is my wish for you right now.
With hope for peace in the world,
Claire
Claire Adalyn Wright is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works with individuals, couples, and families to improve relationships and increase satisfaction with life. She also offers a weekly Women’s Group and SoulCollage® Group Trainings. Her office is on Bascom Avenue near Hamilton Avenue in San Jose. You can contact her at 408-998-7098.
